My own answers to the questions in the "When I was a teen I told my mother..." post

Last week I posted some reflection questions for you. I loved receiving your answers, keep the emails coming if you feel inclined to share with me please do!

As promised here are my own answers:

1. What fears do you have around your daughter having sex?

I fear she will be pressured to do things when she is not ready. I fear her people pleasing will guide her more than her own desires. I fear she won't advocate for herself and her pleasure.

2. What's the fear really about...unpack the details of the worst case scenarios in your head?

She has shitty sexual experiences, she doesn't advocate and gets pregnant or an STI that tarnishes her experiences. Or she lets someone "use" her body because she has feelings for them and she doesn't see her own pleasure as worthy.

3. Where have these fears come from? (experience, your own parents, media)

Perhaps my own experiences of times I put another's pleasure or desire above my own. Times I felt pressured. General societal lack of regard for women's pleasure and desires.

4. Are there any practical things you could do to ensure your fears don't come true?

Make sure I don't project my fears on to her. Educate her on the facts and help her to stay in tune with her own feelings above all else. Empower her around her own worth.

5. What hopes do you have around your daughter having sex?

That she is empowered AF. That she has amazing sexual experiences.

6. What are the hopes really about?

Wanting to protect her from being hurt as much as possible.

7. And what things could you do that are proactive in terms of nurturing these hopes into reality?

Tool her the F up! Even when she rolls her eyes at me. Give her books and other resources and make sure she hears it from sources other than myself that it's important to advocate for herself and her pleasure matters. Make sure she knows her worth regardless of how she looks. Tell her daily that her opinion and her desires matter. Respect her no. Celebrate her yes. Trust her while at the same time keeping strong boundaries around media use while she is in this vulnerable age.

I wish I'd added a last question at the end:

8. Was there anything in your answers that has surprised you?, as my answers surprised me!

Yes! The fear of projecting surprised me. I guess a part of me thought I'd cleared and sorted that kind of stuff already - oh the joys of humaning!

I leant a lot from this exercise, inner inquiry is so valuable. I encourage you to answer these questions yourself, the answers just might surprise you.